Stttrrreeeeeetchhh and breathe

Faces. 6.5

Hello Saturday. Yes,  I am aware of the all day retreat/meeting. I love you anyway ♡ Let me see if I have all my stuff:
– Notebook and pen?  Check.
– Anxiety to the nth degree? Check.
– Anticipating awkward conversations? Check.
– Wanting to be at home in pajamas and in my cozy apartment space? Check.
-Deciding to stretch anyway?  Check.

I promised myself that I would stretch out of my comfort zone and trust the process. At one point I decided to sit away from people with whom I’d be easily comfortable. I almost threw up and then I almost cried, but I let myself feel through those feelings. And then, as the day progressed, I really enjoyed myself. I was stretching out of my comfort zone and into love — self love and the loving people at the event.

I talked and laughed and hugged wonderful women. I reminded myself that even if the day wasn’t OK, I would be.

I breathed and noticed and welcomed feelings of unworthiness to step up and be breathed out as they surfaced. These are the feelings that keep us feeling and playing small.  The kind that keep us from pushing creatively and in funky cycles with our work. They are mighty gremlins,  but breathing is mightier!

I got home and slept off the high intensity people interaction hangover (because September is for self love.) I drank way too much Diet Coke (will need a new coping strategy.) And I kept breathing and stretching into love.

Breathing and stretching into love… and this is the business model and creative path. Amen ♡

Holy and feral creative soul

Art journal page, JENNIFER

 

When the word “holy” visited me last week, I wondered what it might have to say…

As a girl raised in the Catholic church, I developed a bit of an obsession with God and that was my frame of reference for “holy.”  What I understood was that this holy being made people from dirt and ribs, performed miracles, befriended outcasts, and fought the power. God seemed wild and I resonated with that wild.  I chased that wild to a mildly culty church in my early 20’s (but that’s another story for another day.)

On the other hand, I needed to be contained — be good, know when to kneel and to sit, and in addition, I was NOT allowed to wear side pony tails or red polish (and boy did love side ponies and red everything.)  I learned to find the “good” formula and follow it.  Be tame.

And then I read this on twitter:

Feral and going with it. ❤ http://t.co/YtJWl1uGOt

— pixie campbell (@pixiecampbell) December 12, 2013

Holy?

Feral?

Yes.

As a creative being, there is something naturally holy and feral about us. We see the unseen and make it material through words, visual expression, and more.   Even with technical skill, there is something that wildly rises up and defies any past attempts at domestication —  demands to be expressed.  Our work is beautifully disruptive and engages souls in a world that pushes them to be tame and obedient.

And how will you get your work out there and earn from it?

If you have not yet found the thing that scratches your itch for figuring out how you can bring your work into the world and earn from it, may I recommend that you

take your collar off and roam the world within and around you a while?  Forget chasing numbers, sales and email sign-ups for a while.  It has to start with what makes you feel wild and warm inside. Ravenous, even…Then look around you.  Watch the seasons. Notice the animals feasting, nesting, and assuming their right to thrive.  See the patterns and the unpredicted surprises (sometimes stunningly beautiful, sometimes devastating.) 

Step out of your dwelling on a dark and moonlit night.  Feel how the light envelops you.  Look at the stars with wonder and see that they are looking at you with the same wonder.  Hooooowl at the moon.

For us holy and feral souls, our call to create is a call to be wild.  

Under the light of the moon, and while noticing the gentle hops of wild rabbits in the winter snow, I’m conjuring a gathering of souls for early February.  There will be a month long program for us to explore, to hear, and create from the wild place.

I will share details soon ❤

On locating God and being right where you should be (even if it sucks)

Pendulum, mixed media original, JENNIFER

Not to long ago,  I realized that I was looking for God,  which is an interesting search.  Because what are you looking for when you’re looking for God? Who are you looking for? And when you… or I… stop looking, you find God in tubes of burnt umber,  pthalo blue,  and cadmium red (light hue) paint and quiet mornings with audio books and brushes. The gentle splash brush cleaning water.

God is in the sweetness and crunch of yellow wax beans and the quiet of not knowing.

Because if you set out on an adventure to believe in your work and your vision,  you don’t imagine silence.  You don’t envision falling on your face or butt, and feeling like you made a big, juicy mistake.

But God is there too and you don’t have to look.  You just have to be there. In the uncomfortable place whets you are sure you don’t belong,  but it’s exactly where you should be.  And by you. I mean me 🙂

Packing light

Purple flowers and raindrops, JENNIFER

‘But we Capuchins have this long cowl. It’s modeled after the European peasants’ capuche…We show our solidarity with the poor by wearing this’ ~ Kristin Ohlson talking with Father Senan, Stalking the Divine

Earlier this week, I accepted a job doing heart and soul work.  Just saying “yes” to that made me feel like I was coming home.  I also reopened my art shop and am thinking about reopening my chocolate shop.

I can’t help it.  I feel.  I make.

There’s something really beautiful about creating and selling from the gentle place of self-acceptance.  

What if I will forever work a full time job, sell paintings and other handmade stuff when they sell and the same with my chocolates?  What if my side business(es) never become big or recognized outside of my little circles?

My first intention is for my work to help pay for my son’s tuition.  If more happens I’m happy.  I’ve sold my stuff for years.  I stopped for a while and I worked at my own coaching business the last two years…it never took off.  I think it never took off because it was too heavy.  I think containing my desire to make more was too heavy too.

There are too many parts of me to contain into one thing — one work.  I’m silly, contemplative, moved by color, delighted by swearing and irreverence, full of some kind of faith.  I’m creatively distractible — I finish lots of projects and I like selling them…it creates a nice flow.

Anywho, it’s all me, and I’d rather have me, than convince someone that I’m one-dimensional for money.

I’m not sure what all of this has to do with that quote from Father Senan, except that I like how it feels.  It feels like home and humility.   It feels like packing light.

Happy trails,

Jen