I hate everything: On the creative crash

Sam Smith and I are so emotional. (First line, second verse, I think, in the song.)

I turned on the radio… it was Madonna and I couldn’t.  Then it was someone else I usually love…and I couldn’t.  Even Sam…not now Sam.  It went like this for a few tries:  Push the button, hear the song, hate the song…I hated everything! I turned the radio off. It isn’t like me to prefer to drive in silence. (I even went through several years of only listening to NPR.  I love NPR, but what was I doing only listening to that one station?  I was trying to feel smart and distill the wild out of me, that’s what.)  But that moment, not even NPR would do. I had to feel this… it was some sort of emotional crash… BOOM!  BAM! POW!I remembered that I just finished the commission that I still haven’t shown you.  (I didn’t want to post her here under this title.) I handed it over a couple of days ago and it was sort of a relationship in transition.  First it was born in my mind.  Then it was time to create.  I’d sit across from it and look…I’d force myself to move away from it after 3 hours of being so close we were almost one. And now it was gone.  It was a she.

She called me out on my impatience, she pushed me to try, she pushed me to stop trying.  She revealed my need to fix, fix, fix and she didn’t always go along with it.  But she was never mine.

There are so many emotions when you put out a creative work. There’s something about sending it off that always leaves me all mixed-up. I can’t get my hands on it anymore.  (There’s something here that makes me think about how I love.  I don’t want to think about it but I need to.)

I gave myself permission to paint loose and ruin something.  I like some pieces of this one. I love her pants and the rough strokes. I’m frustrated with myself over the un-eye and I should have looked at a picture of the Eiffel Tower because that looks more like a rocket, ha!  I’m not allowed to touch it though.  She’s done for better or for worse.  (Learning how to love…that’s what I’m really doing.)

She’s saying “I want to go to Paris and this is what I’m wearing.”  She’s funny and bold.

I want to go to Paris too.

Au revoir pour maintenant. (Bye for now <3)

Because she was a real bee

Because she was a real bee, mixed media original, Jennifer

 

I was up at 2:38 this morning, and what do you do when you wake up at 2:38 AM besides finally get out of the bed, run a nice bath and paint all 20 of your finger-and toenails “Boom Boom” pink (by Sinfulcolors?)

You think about voice and wings and being a woman…

You think about women, mixed media, and butterflies…because butterflies are beautiful, strong, and tender. But I’m not growing butterfly wings I don’t think.  I think I’m trading them for less aesthetically pleasing, translucent little wings, that move fast.  I might be growing a stinger and six legs…my buzzzzzz might be disconcerting.

I’m sure of it.

I’m sure a woman needs her bee wings.

Once upon a time, I flew in with my butterfly wings and asked my then boss if I could volunteer at my son’s school for 1.5 hours, once a week for 8 weeks.  It was an after school artsy thing sponsored by the PTA.  I’m an artsy kind of lady so they asked and I said that I’d ask.

My then boss denied my request because he felt like he was “losing” me. Losing me?  I was furious.  I was not aware that I had belonged to him or the institution.  The time I asked for amounted to about 1 day’s vacation and my lunch (half) hour (that’s a story for another day.) But more importantly, there was this kid that I birthed and was raising with my mister… I wondered if, when I dropped him off at 7:30 AM and picked him up at 6 PM, he  felt like he was losing me. And what about me?  I was already lost.  I was looking for some piece of me in that after school program, but I had given most of me away…and it was clearly not enough.

Ah, I write tough, but I stayed silent.  I didn’t want to rock the boat.  I didn’t like people being mad at me.  I was afraid to lose…not the job…the peace. But really, there was no peace in the first place.

______________________________________

(6″ x 6″ signed, limited edition prints of “Because she was a real bee,” are available for $27.  Email me at jennifer.pricedavis@gmail.com for yours or check my website on Tuesday.)

The spaces between: Confessions and unblocking creativity

Breakfast today was two TJ’s (Trader Joe’s) corn tortillas each topped with half a scrambled egg, one sausage link on each, and a generous dollop of avocado (sprinkled with sea salt and mashed with a splash of basalmic vinegar.)

Confession: I licked the fork.  In fact, the whole tortilla thing was just a cover to eat the avocado.  Why not just eat the avocado?  Why the cover?  And you know, I will probably eat the rest of that loverly later.  I’ll eat it right out of the bowl.

Somewhere between avocado mashing and journaling, I checked my Facebook page.  Facebook thought I might know someone…and they were right, I did know that person.  Only, I would have been fine to never have seen that person again…ever.  But of course, I clicked on the profile and…

Confession:  I secretly hoped that there was some clear evidence of their life not being perfect.  What I would discern from a profile picture, I don’t know, but I looked. And just to keep my karma as clean and clear as I can — I don’t actually wish harm on anyone.  I was just sort of hanging out in that space between being venomously vengeful and forgive-and-forgetful.  That “I wouldn’t mind if the-person-I-may-know had a bad hair cut” space.

…Oh, Jennifer, grow up!

And then I sketched/painted and broke my rule of one color pages (I’m a hot mess this Friday, aren’t I?)

But I’m not sorry for my hotmessness.  It’s good for creativity, I think…to feel all your feelings, not necessarily hotmessness, but feeling.

A little while ago, I wrote about keeping too many secrets as a creative block and I’m sure that it’s true.  That if I’m stuffing things down, I lose connection with me and with my soul…I lose connection to “the well” (that’s what I call my source of juicy creativity.)

I’m putting sealer on that commission I’ve been talking about.  I’m sketching loose and embarrassing myself on purpose with these naked, nonsensical pieces and my Facebook shenanigans.  Looking for loose and open from mind to heart to canvas.  Let’s see what happens!

 

Chocolate Boss

I’ve been painting a commissioned piece.  It’s a lovely sunflower that I hope I get to show you soon.  While I was painting…my sister called me and told me she’s getting me a t-shirt that has the words “act like a boss” on it.  It got me wondering what am I the boss of?

Well, last night I made molten lava cake because it only takes about 5 ingredients and when I have the stuff I need to make something beautiful, I feel very much boss-like.

Of course, I’ll share the recipe…right this very moment. It happens to be dairy-free and you can play with coconut oil and different flours/sugars to make it a little healthier. Scroll down as you behold the lusciousness…

This cake was reheated for 23 seconds, so not as lava-like in the center, but still quite gooey and fantastic.

Preheat oven to 425 F (Don’t ignore this step because it’s the high temp and quick baking that makes the gooey center. Otherwise you will simply have little cakes and only yourself to blame, ha!)

You’ll need 4 custard ramekins.

1/2 cup cocoa powder

1/2 cup (just under the line) sugar + some to sprinkle into oiled ramekins

1/3 cup flower

1/2 cup oil (or 1 stick of butter. We were out.) + some to oil ramekins

3 eggs

Optional: Sprinkle of all spice or tsp vanilla (I used up all the vanilla, which is why I tried the all spice.  Just try it!)

Directions: Oil your ramekins then sugar them. Mix all of the dry ingredients.  Beat eggs a bit ad then whisk together with oil.  Pour the oil and egg into the dry mixture and blend together.  It is sort of gel-like, which was concerning to me, but it turns out just fine 😀

Place your ramekins on a cookie sheet and bake 8-10 minutes.  You want a firm cake with a soft middle. Use a knife to loosen from the ramekins.  Let them sit a minute (some say 10, I didn’t let mine sit at all, ha!)  You can eat it from the ramekin or put on another dish.

Serve with vanilla ice cream or fresh whipped cream.  (We had ice cream, but it was gone by the time I took the picture.)

Look who has messy hands!

Fortunately, I had this bit of magic from Trader Joe’s.  This is the boss of dessert toppings.  (I once mistook it for pepper and put it in eggs.  It is NOT the boss of seasoning eggs.)

I made 4 cakes, but we only ate two last night.  I carefully put the remaining two in storage bags and refrigerated them. It felt like I was doing some emergency planning…A chocolate emergency!!

I also decided that I will do more fun journal pages with silly words, one paint color (heaven help me) and maybe a shape.  I’m working on loosening up…working on loosening seems oxymoronic, alas, for me it is work!

Au revoir mes amis ❤

 

Trust

Trust is a falling feather.  6″ x 9″  mixed media, on encyclopedia page

The beginning of a new journey.  I’ll share later ♡

She keeps too many secrets: Painting in the soft place

I have an unfounded theory:  Tightness in creativity is a result of carrying too many secrets.

It’s not necessarily deep dark secrets. It could be just trying too hard. Trying too hard requires that we keep our vulnerabilities a secret.  Maybe I’m totally wrong…

But in my work, I’m looking for the light.  I’m looking for the soft, vulnerable place where there are no secrets — just lines, colors, marks… I’ve spent a few days looking for this in faces.

The face of this owl woman was inspired by Laurel Holmes @RealitySandwiches.

Today I played more with faces.  I asked:  How much needs to be said? How do you express curly hair with just a few marks?  How do you take creative risks without injuring brown girls who have heard they weren’t pretty?

And I played with marks and pieces. A ripped up painting.  A piece of my journal…  Just placing them because I love them.  Dots.  Butterflies.  Circles.  All the things I love.  It feels vulnerable to paint in the soft place…to leave things appearing unfinished.  I like this place.

The Lucky One and CLE fun

Bonjour!  Yes, there is a new art to share.  She isn’t in the shop just yet, but she shall be within the week.  “The stars always seemed to align for her” is what the piece says…I think she’s lucky, but she’s just as good at making her own luck, ya know…

As miss lucky one took time to dry, I took time with family. Our good-weather ritual is to get out and find a piece of Cleveland to fall in love with.  This weekend,   our nephew was visiting before we took him back to college, so we all loaded up in Stella (my sweet little ride) and headed straight toward Tremont.

My absolute favorite stop was Banyan Tree.  It has such a cool, welcoming vibe with a smart, luxurious, and earthy collection of items created largely by local artists.

I was drawn to the gorgeous clothing.  I’m calling the style “la luxe de boheme” (bohemian luxury in my best attempt at french.) The guys were loving the work from local artists and crafters, from cookbooks to CLE-loving home decor. (I may have taken a selfie in one of the recycled metal mirrors.)

I ended up getting the cutest red flip flops and this perfect ring that I can wear on any finger.  I decided on my thumb for that day.

We spied so much gorgeousness including delicious candles, greeting cards, journals, and cool beer bottle openers… So. Much. Gorgeousness (and perfect gifts for the people you love!)

And then…we made our way to Ohio City for lunch.  I stopped at the “Before I die” chalk wall in Ohio City… and guess who got her hands messy?

News and a DIY tank top tute: Happening now

In the news… There’s a deer-woman in my shop!  I recorded my thoughts on her and gentle leadership, in my very own voice.  You can listen below.

In more news:  There is a new book of all of the art & a couple of tutorials in the works.  Once I nail down the title (playing with that today.)  I’ll share the details for preordering and obtaining your signed copy…

Her gentleness was her superpower, mixed media (click to view in the shop)

And now the tute!  I made this “body-friendly” tank top this morning and shared it on all the internet places I play, with a promise that I’d share les directions.  I call it body-friendly because it’s loose in the right places and I like where it’s cut just above the hip.  I love easy to wear so very much.

Anywho, there are only three necessary steps, but it will change your wardrobe for-like-ever!

You’ll need a t-shirt that is big on you (so that it can fit loosely) and scissors.  I got this shirt from my mister, but you can also hit up a thrift shop to find the just right shirt…

First, I chose a tank top that fit sort of like I wanted my new shirt to fit (also my mister’s).  You can trace the shirt with chalk if you like.  I’m terrible at cutting on the line, so I kept the shirt in place while I cut. (If you have a smaller tank that you like, you can still use it, just trace/cut about 1-2″ wider than the shape and you should be good.)

 

 

Next, you need to cut the neckline.  I eye-balled about 6″ from the middle and then copied the curve of the tank top neckline.  Each strap ended up being about 2.5-3″ wide.  (You could use chalk to draw it, if you want, and then cut.)

 

Last, I cut the hem about 5-6″ up.  I cut a straight line across.  You just want to choose a length that feels right for you.

You could fringe the shirt if you wanted.  I was planning on it, but then I liked it so much as it is that I left it alone.

If it’s thick enough, you could use the extra material as an infinity scarf.  If you fringe the scarf, that would be awesome!  I might do that later.

I also love it with a scarf I fringed a while back.  It’s just a strip of material I scored at Joanne Fabrics for a little over $1, from the remnants section.  It sort of holds the key to my superpowers, because it’s gold and fringed! (And did I mention that I got the jeans I’m wearing for $3 at a Goodwill.)

I need a chunky turquoise thumb ring and some kinda funky necklace to really love this up, don’t ya think?

Well friends, thanks for playing today!  I need to get my paint and book publishing on ❤

Soft-bellied, chunky legged, and heart aflutter: On being braver than I am (and hoping it isn’t too late)

There is a new resident at the Jennifer Price Davis virtual headquarters.  She is THE soft-bellied mermaid and she casts quite a spell of bravery and Do-it-ness!

Soft-bellied mermaid, 6″ x 6″ mixed media (click image to purchase)

When I prepared the canvas, the word “mermaid” came to me.  I thought back, “No way.”  I have actually never painted a mermaid.  NEVER.  But after I laid down the paper and the first layer of pthalo blue (oh am I in love with this color) paint. Her round belly made itself know to me.  I love how she loves life in her soft-bellied skin. Arms up and through her hair.  Body-adorned. Belly exposed.  Skin-loving.

…And speaking of skin-loving…

I wore shorts for the first time in public, in a looooong time.  I think Madame Mermaid must have spun quite a spell. It feels so vulnerable to love and accept my short, chunky legs.  It feels like I shouldn’t be doing this…I should be cursing them until they shrink, but no… I’m taking lelfies (leg-selfies…do you think it’ll catch on?!) And cutting my hair!  (Scroll it down, my friend.)

I cut it this morning.  Just this very morning, I grabbed the scissors and decided that it was fine that I like my hair short.  I might have to do a whole post on the process, but I can say this now… I decided that my womanness and my beauty, were not community property.  BOOM.

 

This is me editing pictures.  I mostly paint and edit in my glasses so I can see the little details, ha!

And with my new hair cut, I made a call (left a message) that I have needed to make and wrote an email. I had to work up the courage to do both.  The risk of rejection –forget rejection… the risk of annoying the person on the other end — generated a fear that had me in it’s grip…and really, that could mean that I reached out too late.  But I did it.  I reached.  I REACHED. I am breathing a prayer with extra glitter, sparkles, and stars.  Hoping it isn’t too late, but feeling braver than I am.  I love this.

The New Women & Declarations of love in the CLE

There are new women living at jenniferpricedavis.com! (Prints and originals are available.)

Because she took up space, 8″ x 10″

The woman who takes up space is part woman part lark.  The lark is an interesting spirit animal and so it feels so magical that the picture of the lark showed up when it did.  The woman who takes up spaces speaks her voice and feels deeply…and she isn’t the least bit sorry.  I love her!

And then there is she who loses her glasses and keys…

She never forgot where her heart was, 12″ x 12″

I know her quite well.  I love her style and her sly smile.  She is full of love (self-love very much included) and polka dots.  She is who she is…and yes I love her too!

These ladies have a soul and I get to know them as I paint them.  It is my honor to give them life.  They are both mixed media.

*****

Around the same time that these gorgeous, empowered women were coming into being, the guys and I spent Saturday afternoon in Ohio City.  We visited a new-to-us spot called Nano Brew.  I ordered the BLT and I was a little obnoxious about declaring my love with every bite.  My mister had the spicy burger and le kiddo had a plain burger…and I mean plain.  Only ketchup, God bless him.  Anywho, I’m in love with everything about Nano Brew and the sandwich.  In LOVE, I tell you! Plus, their logo is chartreuse and gray…that makes me feel like they love me back 🙂

BLT from the gods @Nano Brew Cleveland

And on our way out, we ran into the cutest wedding party in the neighborhood!  They win declaring love.  I wish them a long and happy life together.  Taking a moment to write on the chalk board lets me know that there is a lot of fun in store for these two 🙂

Fun wedding party